


i met a superhero. i lost her. i want her back

by lmjposie



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Inspired by Music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-04 16:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17901170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmjposie/pseuds/lmjposie
Summary: 1x11 events from Penelope's POV inspired by the song Superhero by Lauv.





	1. superhero

**_I met a superhero. I lost her. I want her back_ **

 

I met a superhero. It wasn’t Batman, Superman, Captain America, none of them. She didn’t go out saving the world or anything, but I still like to think that she’s a superhero. She’s a superhero in the sense that she has a special strength in making me feel like the happiest girl in the world. She was a superhero in the fact that she was always so selfless and put other needs before her own. She was a superhero in the fact that she battled the evil inside me that made me think that I was unlovable.

 

**_She did things to me that no one else could and I miss that_ **

 

She was the best thing to have ever happened to me. We were together for a whole year and I felt nothing but love and adoration when I was with her. I mean, I still feel that way, but back then, she was the only one to make me smile so wide that my cheeks hurt. She was the only one to make me laugh so hard that my stomach ached. She was like a drug and I’d get high off her presence.

 

Everything about her is so extraordinary. Her face kills me. Her smile haunts me. Her contagious laugh echoes in my head. Her pure existence makes me feel alive. She makes me feel everything I want and don’t want to feel. I always wonder what the hell Josie Saltzman is doing to me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.

 

I miss having her next to me. I miss how her hand fit perfectly in mine. I miss how we’d always sneak into the kitchen at late hours of the night because we wanted a late-night snack. I miss doing the simple things with her. I miss her.

 

But she wants nothing to do with me now, and the only way that I can get her attention is to be a snarky, borderline asshole, because any attention from her is better than none at all. How can I stay away when she looks like that and has a strong grip on my heart? She’ll go around calling me evil or Satan incarnate, and I pretend that it doesn’t faze me, but it does. It kills me slowly inside.

 

**_Don’t wanna talk about it. I was so wrong about it. Can’t do a thing about it now._ **

 

I thought that by breaking up with her, she’d have one less person to care about. And that she could finally start to see herself the way that I see her. I think that it’s both a blessing and a curse that she’s so empathetic. She’ll do and drop everything to care for Lizzie, but she won’t do anything for herself. She thinks that selfcare is selfish when it’s not. It pains me to know that she still lives in Lizzie’s shadow. I wish she’d step into the light.

 

The night that I helped Hope and MG save her from being buried alive just made me realize even that I don’t know what I would do if I lose her completely. The second I heard that she was in trouble, my entire world stopped. It was then that I realized that my intentions for breaking up with her were wrong and it only made her think of herself as less. I should’ve been by her side to help her see her full potential, but there’s nothing I can do about it now.

 

**‘Cause they say if you love her, let her go. And they say if it’s meant to be, you’ll know**

 

Then, I kissed her that night and I thought that things would start to look up for us. She told me that she hated me, but I could see right through her. I know her better than she knows herself, and that she doesn’t hate me. That she still has some sort of love for me. Maybe we could fix things.

 

But then she and Lizzie left to go be with their mother, in whatever country she’d traveled to next. I had time to think about everything. It was exam week and the only thing that I could study was how I had acted and how I’ve been acting and how she’d react. And if I could go back in time to start again, one, I would never have broken up with her in the first place and two, I’d been going about it all wrong. That appearing out of smoke whenever she was around, tormenting Lizzie was not how I get her back.

 

**_I met a superhero. I lost her. I want her back_ **

 

Josie was finally back from that agonizingly long trip away, yet she’d pointedly been avoiding me. I’ve never really been able to express how I feel about anyone. I’m not as talented at using my words as she is, but I figured I’d give it a shot. She’d never give me the light of day to explain everything to her face-to-face, so I wrote her a note. It took countless tries because I was never satisfied with what I wrote. By the zillionth attempt, I think I’d finally gotten all that I needed to say out.

 

I saw her standing over by Hope while all the witches were getting ready for the talent show. And I figured, it’s either now or never. Hope had caught on to my staring and must’ve said something to Josie about it. Because the girl that made my knees go weak, turned around and looked at me for a brief second. It was the first time she’d even looked at me ever since she got back. Josie took it upon herself to hide behind the 5’2 girl even after she knew that I saw her.

 

When I approached, I wordlessly gave Hope a cheeky smile, yet all my confidence suddenly vanished.

 

“Hi!” The tribrid enthusiastically greeted after sipping on her smoothie.

 

I didn’t need to respond because we both knew the reason why I’d strutted over there. I craned my neck past the girl to see my favorite girl adorably pretending that if she closed her eyes, she could pretend that she was invisible. She knew that it wasn’t working and ever so slowly laid her eyes on me.

 

I wanted to say something, anything, but I really couldn’t. All the words got stuck in my throat. Instead I nervously stuck my hand out, offering out my note. “Just make sure you read it in private.” I voiced insecurely.

 

Josie picked it out of my hand, “I’m not going to read it at all.” And that hurt, it really did. I was tired of fighting, tired of her push and pull, and I’m sure it was evident on my face that it pained me to hear that. I’d poured my heart out into the note and she’d been able to crush my spirits within the span of two seconds. Defeated, I let out a small breath and beckoned my hand to have the other witches around follow me. And I went on pretending that she didn’t break my heart.

 

**_She did things to me that no one else could_ **

 

No one else could shatter my heart quite like she can. I’d think that we took one step forward in mending both of our hearts, only for us to take four steps back. I don’t know what happened on her trip with Lizzie and their mom, but it must’ve been drastic because of her change in behavior.

 

I can’t go on any longer with this constant battle between us. No matter how much I love her, if she seriously doesn’t want anything to do with me nor not even do a simple thing like read a note that I wrote for her, then I should take the hint and leave her alone. And so, I did.

 

\--

 

“5, 6, 7, 8!” Lizzie counted, watching us as the witches and I sloppily danced around the stage. There were witches that were off beat, missed the timing, and some that missed the cue completely. Safe to assume, we were absolutely a mess and in no shape of winning this year’s competition. I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was go back to my room.

 

“Looks like we haven’t been practicing. And some of your outfits must have shrunk.” Lizzie critiqued. I rested my arms on my hips and bit back the smart comment I wanted to. There was no use. “Or there were too many late-night visits to the cafe-” Lizzie stopped herself, rubbing her wrist. “But it’s fine!” She smiled weirdly. “We’ll adjust. From the top.” She commanded.

 

The rest of the witches and I monotonously moved to take our positions. “Josie?” Lizzie called out. “Where is Josie?”

 

Josie then, walked in with a drink in hand and a bright smile on her face as if she were in wonderland. Instinctively, all our eyes turned towards her. “Am I late?” She asked innocently.

 

“Where… are the canes?” Lizzie politely sneered.

 

“I don’t know.” Josie said without a care in the world and there was almost steam coming out of Lizzie’s ears. “I actually went to go find them, but then I was thinking… I don’t feel like stressing about it!” She sipped her smoothie and continued to wander around the stage.

 

“Y-You didn’t… want…” Lizzie stuttered. She took a breath. “That’s fine. Why don’t you just take your usual place.”

 

“Ah, about that, I was actually thinking, I really don’t feel like being in the back row.” Josie remarked. I watched in awe.

 

I could tell Lizzie was fuming, but she uncharacteristically was keeping her cool. “Well, I know you haven’t been practicing.” Lizzie rationalized. Josie nodded. “But if you want to be in the front, you-”

 

Josie interrupted. “I just think we should scrap that lame routine. Right? Do something totally different.” She made her way closer to me and I could feel my heart rate picking up. “It’ll be totally fun, right?” She pointed at me. I kept my cool and figured I shouldn’t comment on this whole ordeal.

 

“But,” Lizzie tried. “My beloved sister, this is the routine we do every year.” She clasped her hands together while Josie continued sipping on her drink. “Because we win. Every. Year.”

 

Josie disregarded everything her sister had said and clicked her tongue. “I think I should sing a new song.” Lizzie was about to explode but put a polite smile on her face anyway. I covered my mouth trying not to laugh. “And then, everyone can contribute some choreography. And that way it could be like a whole…” Josie stood next to her sister who looked so disapproving of this all. “Collaboration.” Josie concluded.

 

“Doesn’t that just sound… Nice?” Josie looked at Lizzie and squished their cheeks together. Josie smiled and Lizzie looked like she wanted to end herself right then and there.

 

I was really proud of Josie for voicing her opinion and is letting herself be heard. This was everything that I’d always wished for her. This somewhat got my hopes up. But Josie still continued to avoid me. So, I did as I thought about earlier, and didn’t go chasing after her.

 

**_I met a superhero. I lost her. I want her back_ **

 

The witches and I were getting ready to do our performance and I was looking in the tall mirror, fixing my hair and putting in my earrings when Josie came up behind me.

 

“Hey.” She smiled, looking at me through the mirror.

 

I peeked back at her before returning my gaze back onto my appearance. “I thought you were avoiding me.” I could sense all the hurt in my voice, but I was too exhausted to care.

 

I looked down at the ground. “I was.” She admitted. I looked back up at her through the mirror and she was still looking at me. This might have been the longest she’s even looked at me in the past week. “I mean I am.” She added.

 

“You’re not doing a very good job.” I commented as well put together that I could. There was a small frown on my face, but I willed it away. Again, focusing on getting ready for the performance. I stared at my reflection, fixing my suit jacket. It took everything in me not to look at Josie again. But this is what she wanted, and I’d have to respect her decision.

 

“Maybe I’m sick of always doing a good job.” Josie replied, moving so she was only inches behind me. I finally broke and looked back at her in the reflection. I was speechless. “Do you wanna get out of here?”

 

This was so sudden. She’d been avoiding me all day but suddenly wants to be alone with me? Did she actually read my note? I could never say no to her so I nodded in response with a small smile. She tugged me away by my hand and we bailed on the performance. I didn’t want to be there anyway. The only place I wanted to be was right next to Josie.

 

When we were alone, away from the ongoing talent show, she pulled me by the collars of my suit jacket and kissed me. I wasn’t used to her being like this. And my heart had exploded into fireworks. My note must’ve worked. She slipped her tongue into my mouth and I practically felt it go down my throat. I felt euphoric within seconds as if something had taken control of me. We kissed for a few minutes longer, not quite being able to take our hands off of each other when Josie pulled back, getting a sudden idea in her eyes.

 

“What do you say we make this day even better and we go steal the urn?” She smirked.

 

Like always, I could never say no to her and I was always up for mischief. “Sounds like fun.”

 

We’d made our way to the old mill where Josie knew it would be. Josie siphoned some magic from the plant in front of her just in case she needed it. In all honesty, I would’ve let her siphon from me like we used to when we were dating, had I known what she was going to do.

 

We stepped over the log, continuing our trek to the old mill. She strolled up the stairs before turning to me. “So what was in that note that you gave me?”

 

I was a bit confused. I thought she’d been acting this way because she read the note. “You were supposed to read it.”

 

“You can’t just tell me what it says?” Josie asked as if it were obvious.

 

But with Josie’s actions from before in combination with me not wanting to repeat everything that I said in the note, I walked up to her and connected our lips together for a brief second. “That’s what was in it.” I replied softly. It was true. To me, that kiss conveyed everything that my note did. It screamed ‘I love you.’

 

Josie smiled and leaned in again, her lips finding mine for the third time that night. When she pulled away, my eyes fluttered open. I wanted more. I couldn’t get enough of her. “You know that we’re never getting back together, right?”

 

I could read between the lines. Her words were saying one thing, but her actions spoke louder than her words. I leaned my forehead against hers and we stared at each other’s eyes, inches away from each other, smiling. I lifted my head away first and behind her, I could see the urn. “There.” I pointed.

 

“Let’s go,” Josie walked forward towards it, I followed in tow behind her.”You drive.” She directed at me.

 

“Not so fast, Thelma and Louise.” Hope appeared behind us.

 

And like always, I was ready to protect Josie. I moved my hands, ready to spit out an incantation, but the tribrid was quicker. And I was sent flying into the wall with the canes spilling onto me. I laid there unconscious.

 

\--

 

**_She did things to me that no one else could and I miss that_ **

 

I groggily woke up in a chair I had no idea I got in. Hope, Lizzie, and Josie stood towering over me.

 

“What?” I asked. “Why’re you guys all looking at me.”

 

“Why haven’t you had a smart reply to anything that I’ve said all day?” Lizzie questioned.

 

“Because I realized that it’d get me nowhere. It would just get you to hate me more and it would only cause more strain on my relationship with Josie.” I truthfully told her.

 

“What relationship?” Josie scoffed with her arms crossed against her chest.

 

I turned to her. “Well, like if I hurt Lizzie then it also hurts you. And I meant relationship as in me potentially getting back together with you.”

 

“That’s not going to happen.” Josie rolled her eyes.

 

All the color drained from my face. “What? But what about the kisses on your birthday or the kisses from today?” It was my mistake in having hope today that we could fix our relationship.

 

“I was confused from my emotions of almost dying on my birthday. And today, I was infected by a mind controlling parasite.” Josie angrily reasoned.

 

“A mind controlling parasite?” I furrowed my brow.

 

Hope cleared her throat. “Yeah, about that, you’ve been infected too.” She shined her bioluminescent flashlight on her, showing the trail the slug went in. There was a faint glow on her lips. “Open your mouth.”

 

“What, why?” I scrunched up my nose.

 

Lizzie rolled her eyes. “Just do it, you had no trouble opening your mouth for other people.” Referencing her makeout with MG.

 

I narrowed my eyes at her but didn’t say anything and opened my mouth as instructed. Hope shined the light in my mouth as if she were a dentist.

 

“Yeah. She’s been infected.” Hope concluded, clicking off her flashlight.

 

“Ew, how did you not feel it go in your mouth and down your throat?” Lizzie shuddered.

 

I looked over to Josie and she was uncomfortably shuffling her in place, avoiding any sort of eye contact with anyone.

 

“The only way to get it out is if I shock you.” Hope informed.

 

Hope got an idea. “Anyone have a taser? We can use that.” She cheered.

 

“Or we could use your bracelet?” Hope suggested the more humane option.

 

Lizzie scoffed. “Ew, no way am I going to let her grimy snake hands touch this bracelet that my mom gave to me.”

 

Hope looked at her incredulously and stuck out her hand expectantly. Lizzie groaned. “I hate being a good person.” Lizzie reluctantly gave the bracelet to Hope who fastened it onto my wrist.

 

I raised my brow wondering where they were going with this. “Say something that you’ve always wanted to say to Lizzie.” Hope instructed.

 

“I have nothing to say. She already knows how I feel about her.” I honestly replied.

 

Josie was over this. “This is useless.” She sputtered a spell, successfully zapping me in the process. I could tell she remembered the spell from when I had shown her the spell during our date a few months ago. I’d taken her to a dimly lit room and told her the spell to create electricity to light up the room. Before I could have a proud moment, the bug came lurching out of my throat and I accidentally spit it out onto Lizzie’s shoes.

 

“Ew, gross! _That_ disgusting creature just puked up _this_ disgusting creature onto _my_ beautiful shoes.” Lizzie screamed, kicking the slug off of her foot and onto the floor.

 

Hope shook her head disbelievingly and squashed the bug with her shoe. I looked at Josie again because in all honesty, my eyes always manage to find her in a room, yet she was back to square one, avoiding me.

 

Even during the redo performance, she never once dared to look my way. I had all my focus and attention on her. Looking at her with pure endearment and adoration because she was the star of the show and the star of _my_ show. But I guess I’d just be the background character in hers for now.

 

**_I met a superhero. I lost her. I want her back_ **

 

I met and had the privilege of loving Josie Saltzman, but I made the stupid mistake of breaking up with her. I don’t know if I can get her back.


	2. something's gotta give

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1x14 events from Penelope's perspective. inspired by Camila Cabello's song Something's Gotta Give

**_Loving you, I thought I couldn’t get no higher._ **

 

Penelope Park used to feel euphoric in Josie’s company. But after her attempts at trying to fix what she’d broken are constantly getting shot down, the more she feels like her heart is being trampled on. But it’s her last day at the Salvatore School. And she decides that she wants to spend her last moments with the girl she had the best moments with. Even if said girl doesn’t want her around anymore. 

 

**_Your November rain could set night on fire, night on fire. But we could only burn so long._ **

 

“Hey.” Penelope greeted as she walked into the hallway, putting on a put together persona albeit scared of being shot down yet again. “What do you say we blow this popsicle stand and go back to my room for a little binge watch and chill?” 

 

Josie only looked at her for a brief second, already seeming annoyed. “You and I only make out when magical slugs invade our brain.” Penelope tries not to grin at the mention of them making out. She decides not to mention the time where they did make out on Josie’s birthday, after Penelope had helped save Josie from being buried alive. 

 

“I actually wanted to talk to you about the letter I wrote.” Penelope said seriously. Josie avoided eye contact with Penelope who hadn’t taken her eyes off of her since the moment she stepped into the room. Penelope momentarily frowned. “Which I’m guessing you haven’t read yet.”

 

Again, Josie only looked at her for a second. “I’ve been dealing with the pageant, Penelope.” Josie argued.

 

Penelope silently celebrated the little victory that Josie had actually addressed her by her real name, instead of something like Satan or Evil One. “Yeah, I can see that.” She finally tore her eyes away from Josie. Taking in the lame lights Josie was plugging in to decorate for the pageant.

 

“See this is me offering you a viable option out.” Penelope tried once more, slightly smiling at Josie who actually held eye contact for once. “This pageant is misogynistic and archaic. Stop enabling it.” 

 

“I can’t.” Josie’s face lit up with a bright smile. “I’m a contestant. 

 

Penelope was taken aback. “You know, I wish I was drinking something right now so I could do a spit take.”

 

“You know my mom was Miss Mystic Falls. Lizzie’s been dreaming of this day since she was little.” Josie explained. Penelope knew about Caroline being Miss Mystic Falls. When they were dating, Josie showed Penelope a picture of her mom looking stunning as ever, wearing the Miss Mystic Falls crown.

 

But also, Penelope was wondering when Josie would bring up Lizzie because no matter what, she always seems to come up. She wasn’t surprised when it came up within the first two minutes of them talking. “Things have been rocky between us recently. So me throwing a few events to helps her win the title, I’m all for it.” Josie elaborated.

 

Penelope squinted at her. “You agreed to help Lizzie win?” 

 

**_Counterfeit emotions only run skin deep. Know you’re lying when you’re lying next to me, next to me._ **

 

“I’m supporting my sister.” Josie gritted through her teeth. “It’s her crown and I’m fine with that.”

 

Penelope knew that Josie was lying. She was disappointed to say the least. After everything she’s done for Josie, she’s still living her life in Lizzie’s shadow.

 

**_How did we get so far gone? I shoud know by now, you should know by now. We should know by now_ **

 

Lizzie called her, Hope, and Josie in for an emergency announcement. Penelope wasn’t really sure why Lizzie called her to be there when the two pretty much have a strong disliking for each other. Nonetheless, Penelope only showed up to see what lame announcement she had but she was intrigued to find out that Lizzie was quitting the contest. So, she decided to stay. 

 

When Lizzie said she was dropping out of the competition, Penelope hoped that this would mean that Josie would take the pageant more seriously then. Except, Lizzie announced that she’d decided that all her efforts towards winning was now directed towards Hope. 

 

Penelope could tell that Josie was crushed that her own sister hadn’t decided to take her feelings into account. Although Josie never voices how she really feels, she wished that Lizzie knew her sister well enough to know that Josie had been secretly dreaming of winning Miss Mystic Falls like their mother. Now, Penelope definitely had to stick around to try and get Josie to win. 

 

**_Something’s gotta give, something’s gotta break. But all I do is give and all you do is take_ **

 

And just like clockwork, Penelope appears out of smoke, appearing by Josie’s side when they’re rehearsing for the dance. Josie’s stretching her arm when Penelope appears, giving a cheeky smile.

 

Josie rolled her eyes. “What are you doing here? Isn’t your presence alone a huge win for the patriarchy?” 

 

Penelope scratched the back of her neck. “Not if I’m your escort.” She said with raised brows.

 

“MG is my escort.” Josie swung her arms by her side, rotating her shoulders to loosen her muscles up a little. 

 

Penelope scrunched up her nose. “I might’ve convinced him to sit this one out.”

 

Josie was absolutely not here for this. “And why would you do that.” She muttered.

 

With a slight change of tone, Penelope replied, “If you read the letter, you’d know.” 

 

Josie looked as if she was about to say yet another snarky remark, however she was interrupted by one of the Miss Mystic Falls judges announce that rehearsal was starting. Since MG was a no show, Josie was stuck with having Penelope as her partner. With the roll of her eyes and a heavy sigh, Josie into position on the dance floor.

 

“Honor your partner.” The judge ordered. Josie curtseyed while Penelope bowed. “Right hand, around.” They followed instructions and Josie looked like the last place she wanted to be was dancing right next to Penelope. 

 

Unbeknownst to most, Penelope was a goof. She loved to make Josie laugh, so when the judge directed them to “flirt with their eyes,” She raised her brows and stared at Josie with her beautiful hazel eyes. Josie only rolled her eyes once more. 

 

They managed to dance in silence for a few more commands before Penelope spoke up again. Josie wished she hadn’t. “This is the death of feminism.” Penelope complained while trying to smile.

 

“It’s tradition.” Josie told her matter-of-factly. “Don’t be a hater.” Penelope sighed.  

 

**_Something’s gotta change, but I know that it won’t_ **

 

Josie eyed Lizzie from a distance. “I’m going to trip now.” Josie told Penelope.

 

“What?” Penelope was quick on her feet, she swiftly caught Josie in her arms and dipped her low, playing it off as an impromptu dance move.

 

The judges seemed to enjoy it. “Ooh, very nice. But there’s no touching during this part.” Penelope made an “O” with her mouth at Josie, smiling at herself afterwards. Normally, Josie would crack a smile or even a laugh too, except this time, she looked at the girl with contempt. “It’s all about the intimacy of the near touch.”

 

They put both hands up and continued to dance. Penelope again made a face but Josie wasn’t having it. “Don’t ruin this for me.” 

 

“For you or for Lizzie?” Penelope knowingly asked.

 

“For both of us.” They continued their dance around each other. “There’s a plan. That plan now involved helping Hope.” Josie placed her hand on Penelope’s shoulder as Penelope took her hand in hers and they sidestepped together.

  
  


“But did you mean it?” Penelope knew all too well that Josie was suppressing her desire to win the pageant for the sake of her sister. That’d never change. “Or would winning Miss Mystic Falls be cooler than you would ever imagine?” Josie only stared back at her. “Would winning Miss Mystic Falls bring your family history full circle in a way that Lizzie would never appreciate?” Penelope knew her ex-girlfriend better than anyone. She just wished that Josie could see herself the way she sees her.

 

Josie tore herself away from Penelope’s grip. “Why would you say that?” She spat. 

 

Penelope knew she struck a nerve. She could tell that she was slowly getting through to Josie. She smiled and bowed, continuing the traditional dance. “Let’s just finish the dance.” 

 

**_No reason to stay, is a good reason to go._ **

 

The remainder of the dance, Josie would keep making jabs at Penelope, so she decided to stay quiet. Penelope’s tried everything. But Josie still hates her, she wished that Josie understood why she did everything. Yet Josie wouldn’t give her the time of day. Which is another reason why she feels like it was the right decision for her to leave.

 

**_I have never heard a silence quite so loud. I walk in the room and you don’t make a sound_ **

 

Penelope always knows where to find Josie. She’s gotten to be quite the expert in making it seem like a coincidence that they ran into each other. She sees Josie walking out from the previous room and seizes the moment. They’re about to pass each other and Josie still hasn’t said anything, she hasn’t even looked at her. Penelope knew she had to be the one to say something first or else it would be a deafening silence. 

 

“How’d the interview portion go?” She asked genuinely. She had hoped she’d finally gotten through to Josie. In hopes that she’d take the competition seriously.

 

“Great, totally blew it.” Josie spoke quickly, backpedaling to face Penelope only for long enough to get the sentence out. 

 

“Hey. Hey!” Penelope called after Josie. The girl reluctantly stopped. “I think we should talk about how you really feel about this.”

 

“Okay, sure.” Josie easily agreed. Penelope perked up. She didn’t think Josie would ease up this quickly. 

 

“Or maybe I could just…” Josie grabbed the pen out from in between her notebook. “Write it all down with this.”

 

Penelope knew exactly what she was holding up. But it didn’t faze her. Josie was bound to find out at some point. Especially because she had made it a little obvious that she knew something Josie hadn’t shared.

 

“I was wondering how you quoted my exact thoughts on Miss Mystic Falls, word for word,” Josie teetered on the tips of her toes. “Then I remembered I wrote it all down in my diary using one of the pens you gave everyone for Christmas.”

 

Penelope was caught red handed, but she didn’t let it show. “You spelled it. You’re using it to spy. I siphoned one. There’s enough magic in it to levitate an elephant.” She held out the pen for Penelope to take. 

 

Penelope took it back instantly. “You caught me.” She smiled but it quickly disappeared. “Yeah, I’ve been reading your journal. I’ve been reading everyone’s journal, but I am only using the information for good.” Josie looked unconvinced. “Like convincing you to win Miss Mystic Falls.”

 

“Even if I hadn’t already tanked it, I don’t want to win.” Josie responded. Penelope deeply sighed knowing that’s the furthest thing from the truth. “Because then I’d be beating Hope and Lizzie wants Hope to win.” 

 

**_You’re good at making me feel small. If it doesn’t hurt me, why do I still cry? If it didn’t kill me, then I’m half alive._ **

 

“So all of your selfish, obnoxious, and all your evil meddling was for nothing.” Josie seethed.

 

Penelope only stayed silent. She tried not to let it show that her words didn’t affect her. But it did. Every mean comment that Josie would direct at her slowly but surely killed her. Sometimes she’d cry about it because the girl she cares most about thinks of her as an evil human being when all she wants is what’s best for her. 

 

**_How did we get so far gone? I should know by now, you should know by now. We should know by now_ **

 

During her booze-filled talk with Landon Kirby, he was going on about his drama with Hope. In the moments that neither of them were talking, Penelope’s mind wandered to Josie, as it normally does.

 

She thought about how perhaps they were too far broken beyond repair. She thought that maybe Josie would hate her forever. Yet she’d love her forever. And she knows by now that Josie will only continue to hold her at an arm’s length away. 

 

**_Something’s gotta give, something’s gotta break. But all I do is give and all you do is take_ **

 

Penelope haphazardly stumbled into one of the other contestants waiting to be called for their escort. Although she’s late, Penelope joined Josie by her side.

 

“You’re like a lingering cough.” Josie commented. If Penelope wasn’t totally buzzed right now, she probably would’ve taken it to heart and added it to the reasons why she needed to leave. 

 

Instead, Penelope ignored it. “MG is M.I.A.” Penelope bends her elbow for Josie to loop her arm through and Penelope looks at Penelope for the first time tonight. “You’re stuck with me.” She wants to stare at her forever because Josie’s the most beautiful girl she’s ever seen. The way the girl’s makeup and hair is done is stunning. And her black dress with white and purple florals on it is breathtaking. Penelope looks away because her light buzz reminded her that the sorrow that she had been drowning out was the fact that Josie wants nothing to do with her. 

 

Then, Josie reluctantly loops her arm through. And Penelope is pleasantly surprised it came without any retaliation. “Riddle me this,” Penelope voiced. “How does you losing everything help Hope win?”

 

“I’m the fall girl.” Josie explained. “I had to make it into contention to this point, the final event, so I can take a literal fall and take out Hope’s closest competitor.”

 

**_Something’s gotta change, but I know that it won’t_ **

 

Penelope never thought that this competition was that serious. Or that Josie was willingly going along with being a “hitman” and taking out a competitor just so Lizzie would be happy. “For real?” Penelope looked at Josie. “Josie, you are so much better than that.”

 

“I know that Lizzie doesn’t think that you can win, but I do.” It’s not much, Penelope knows. Especially coming from her. But a small part of her hopes that it still means something to her. At least now, Josie knows that Penelope still thinks highly over her.

 

Josie doesn’t say anything, instead she looks at Penelope with an unreadable expression. So Penelope whispered, “Go down swinging.” This was her last chance to finally get through to her. “You deserve to walk down those steps with your head held high, like your mom did.” Using the mom card was an iffy decision. It could either be enough to send her over the edge or to finally get her to see her worth. She really wishes it would be the latter.

 

Josie looked like she was analyzing everything. Penelope could see the gears turning in her head. And she thinks that maybe that was what it took to get through to her. 

 

The spotlight is on them and the announcer says “Miss Josie Saltzman escorted by Miss Penelope Park.” Penelope loved the sound of their names together. It doesn’t happen quite often anymore.

 

Josie then smiles at Penelope and Penelope thinks that things are going to be okay. They walk down the stairs, with interlocked elbows. Penelope doesn’t take her eyes off of Josie, Josie always captivated her attention, and tonight was especially no exception. 

 

Josie even turns to smile and laugh with Penelope. And it’s euphoric and it’s a taste of what they were like when they were dating. And, God, does Penelope miss that. 

 

Then, they reach the bottom of the stairs and Josie’s smile fades, and they’re back in reality. Penelope turned to see what caused Josie to lose that beautiful smile and she spots Lizzie. She turned to Josie, hoping, praying that she doesn’t do this. 

 

But Josie unhooked her arm and Penelope knows she’s lost the battle. No matter what she does, she’ll still fall short to the hold Lizzie has over Josie. Her ex-girlfriend lifts her arms up and dramatically falls, knocking out the competitor at the bottom of the stairs. 

 

Penelope deeply frowned. And there’s a loud crashing sound as Josie and the other contestant hits the floor. Penelope scoffed, not even trying to help Josie up. That was the final nail in the coffin to any chance that Penelope had for staying.

 

“What are you going to do when I’m not here to fight for you anymore?” Penelope said. Absolutely fed up with how Josie treats her. 

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Josie asked, getting up off the ground.

 

**_No reason to stay, is a good reason to go_ **

 

Josie  _ still _ hadn’t read the letter. Penelope had taken so much time to write that letter for her and it was only a second thought to Josie. “You wanna know? Read the letter.” She clenched her jaw. She uses a tone that’s foreign to Josie. She’d never spoken to her with bitterness laced behind it before. She takes a look at Josie before finding Lizzie’s eyes a good distance behind her. She returns back to Josie and takes one last glance before storming off. 

 

\--

 

Penelope rolled her luggage down the floor of the foyer with a heavy heart.

 

“You weren’t going to say goodbye?” A voice called out. She could recognize that voice anywhere. The entire time she had been wishing that Josie would just read her letter, but now that she finally did, and she’s here trying to stop her, makes it so much harder for her to go.

 

She looked down, “I did. In my letter.” She turned to the girl she thought she wouldn’t see again for a good while. “Which I’m guessing you finally read.” She was exhausted with trying to fight the battle between her and Josie. She’d been carrying their relationship on her back and she couldn’t do it anymore.

 

“Belgium?” Josie asked. Recalling from her letter.

 

Without missing a beat, Penelope answered “My mom got a job.” She readjusted the bag on her shoulder. “And there’s this great witch only school, so I don’t have to deal with wolves or vamps or Lizzie.” She figured if she was leaving now, she might as well take one more stab at Lizzie.

 

“Penelope,” Josie stalked closer. “Don’t leave.”

 

“You know for weeks I had been hoping that you would give me… one reason to stay. Instead, you gave me a thousand reasons to go.”

 

Penelope took a step forward. “Losing on purpose,  _ always _ putting yourself second…” Penelope tried to quell the emotions that threatened to bubble out. “My heart can’t take it. And I will not wait around and watch what happens to you next.” Her attempt to remain calm failed and her voice shaked.

 

“What are you talking about?” Josie asked.

 

Penelope pursed her lips and looked down. Josie  _ deserved _ to know the truth. Penelope unhooked the bag over her shoulder and dug around in her bag. “You know the pens I was using to spy?” She finally found what she was looking for. “This, records all of it. It’s basically a log of everything at the Salvatore School.” 

 

Penelope couldn’t stand looking at Josie for too long. Because everytime she did, her heart ached even more. Penelope stared down at the floor, chewing on her bottom lip before finding the courage to speak up again. “And I want you to read what your dad wrote… about something called ‘The Merge.’”

 

Josie was overwhelmed. This was a lot of information coming at once. “I don’t understand.” She breathed out. Penelope only held out the journal, waiting for her to take it.

 

“Well you will.” Penelope said softly after Josie took the journal into her hands. Josie only looked at Penelope with a tear streaked face. Penelope inched towards Josie, gently wiping away the tears on Josie’s face like she used to when they were dating, “One day, you will understand everything I did.” Penelope’s voice cracked yet again. The constant battle between them in combination with seeing Josie cry only made Penelope tear up even more. 

 

More tears streamed down Josie’s face. And Penelope wiped them away. She always used to be Josie’s shoulder to cry on, but after tonight, it was the final straw. Seeing Josie constantly put others’ needs before her own killed her. She pressed her forehead against Josie’s. For a second, it was blissful. It reminded her of the many times before where they just rested their foreheads on each other’s when they were dating. And it reminded her of a few days ago when Josie and her had been slug drunk and they rested their foreheads against each other’s at the old mill. The painful reminder that Josie had said that they’re never getting back together aka the second nail in the coffin (the first being when Josie said she wouldn’t read her letter) pulled her out of the blissful state. 

 

It was clear that both of them were emotional messes. She figured she had nothing left to lose, so she connected her lips to Josie’s. Instantly, Josie returned the kiss as if she’d been anticipating it. Because she was. She wanted to kiss her ever since she found out she was leaving. And this kiss wasn’t just a peck. And it wasn’t like a sloppy makeout session either. It was a chaste kiss that signified goodbye. It held all the words they didn’t say. It was all the words Josie couldn’t say. 

 

Their foreheads found each other again when Penelope pulled away solemnly. Penelope’s eyes searched Josie’s even though they were only inches away. She could feel Josie’s pain and confusion, so she engulfed her in a hug. And at times like this, she always used to know what to say to Josie. But there was not much she could say now, so she said the first thing that she could. 

 

“I love you, Jojo.” Penelope choked out.

 

Even though Josie didn’t return the declaration, Penelope knew deep down she loved her. That she  _ still _ loved her, it was just clouded by her love for her sister. 

 

“I love you with all of my obnoxious,” They both softly chuckled. “Selfish, evil heart.” 

 

Penelope’s heart was always in Josie’s hands. But this time, she was taking it back. For until Josie has the capacity to love her in the same amount that Penelope loves her. 

 

So Penelope walked away with her luggage, without looking back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 3am and I'm having my tenth posie breakdown.
> 
> Due to julie plec related reasons, love is dead. 
> 
> Let me know what you think  
> -Kai (@phosiepark on twitter)

**Author's Note:**

> Writing in first-person is weird. Did you guys like it? Lol. Lemme know what you all think. My twitter is @phosiepark


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